Taking a Dose of My Own Medicine

The blog here, as I think pretty much anyone has come to realize, is not really active much lately. It’s not been active due to a number of reasons, and is leaving me at a crossroads regarding what to do:

#1 – The Blog Crashed

After the server crashed where an old buddy was hosting it for me, the wind was really taken out of my sails. I hadn’t really considered that not only might the web host crash, but that the person who was graciously hosting it for me, would not be able to resurrect it.

But, as Murphy’s Law always wins, that exact scenario happened round about 2015. Suffice to say, not only was the outage one that I could not recover, but the friendship with the “host” was strained. I actually no longer even talk to that individual.

#2 – The Friend Left

I’m not sure if he felt guilty, or what, because things never really got sorted out. We’d become what I thought were friends dating all the way back to I think 2008ish? So from 2008 – 2015 = 7 years? Yeah, that kinda hurt. He stopped returning my emails, does not call, nor has he likely even given me the time of day in nearly five years now.

The last time we talked, I’d reached out as a move loomed large, and I asked him if he wanted some memorabilia from a photo event we taught at jointly. He shared with me that he was getting a divorce, and that he’d love to catch up, and he definitely wanted the poster. Then – nuthin…

Even with the corona virus outbreak three months ago, I didn’t even hear a peep from that person to check in and see if I’m doing ok. I’d already resigned myself to stop initiating contact, my wife saying I’m just setting myself up again, and to let it go. So, I resisted the urge to reach out. It’s kind of sad, because with friends like that, well…it’s a bitter pill to swallow when you realize that they were never really all that much invested.

#3 – The Blogging Stopped

So, the blog lagged. As followers dropped off, I struggled to remain active. No one really was giving me encouragement anymore. Sponsorships eventually ended. Which brought me to today. It’s been apparently five years of maintaining this blog, at my own expense, which admittedly has not really been too much since consumption has pretty much dried up.

#4 – Occasional reposts

As time permits, I visit the Wayback Machine, to resurrect files (mostly images and an occasional article) because there’s something I want to share with a friend. I’ll scour the Wayback Machine, find a few articles and think “yeah, that was a good one, I wanna get that one back.”

And I’ll re-post it. You saw one just hit last Monday.

#5 – Remembering Maggie

Another reason is because of a fateful day where I put down my beloved dog, Maggie, and she was eulogized here. I lost the comments from the crash, but the memory is still there, and I’ve been maintaining it because I don’t want to forget.

Well, this year, I forgot. The article didn’t re-post as it was supposed to. It was two weeks ago today. I’ve not forgotten the dog, I’d just forgotten the day. A new level of sadness has weighed heavy on me, because I have considered giving up the ghost of the blog, so to speak.

#6 – The Final Straw

The re-post from last week, titled “Skin in the Game”. Re-reading my post from back when it first it the internet was kind of cathartic. I realized that:

• I stopped shooting.
• I stopped marketing
• I stopped learning

I am out of practice, and have not touched my SLR in several months. I remember the essentials for sure (shutters, apertures, and such – I still read a lot, but it’s been, well 5 years since I’ve been active). In those five years I have to grudgingly admit I’ve stopped learning. And, at the end of the day, that means I am not producing content.

When is it time to give up the ghost? When the gear sits in a bag collecting dust? When your audience has left? When you no longer feel motivated to hit that “publish” button?

I started this blog as a way of helping myself remember things as I developed my skills in photography back in 2007. Thirteen years ago, I had a vague idea of shutter speeds and apertures. I knew what made photos work, but I’d never really studied it. In the following years I actually studied photography. Now it was self-study, but I literally consumed everything I could get my hands on. And, as a result, I got pretty good. Really good? Well, that’s open to interpretation.

Okay, well maybe not really good, but good enough to where I had about 20K people reading the words I wrote every. single. week. And now the industry has likely forgotten all about me.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, and I don’t think I am ready to sell my gear. In fact, I am going to wake up early tomorrow and see if I can get some shots of the birds chirping in the trees that dot my new home in Nashville TN. I’ve seen red cardinals, bluebirds, chickadees, and more. Just waiting for my camera. And me to get my ass out of bed…

But I am not sure I have the stomach to blog anymore. My photographs will likely just go on Instagram and maybe Facebook. The only thing that may prevent this blog from going off of life support is whether anyone checks in here anymore.

Is anyone still out there?